Struggles of a Secret Believer

As I read through the Scriptures I’m fascinated with the way different people responded to Jesus.  The poor and uneducated seemed to swarm around Jesus, following him from place to place and hanging on every word he spoke.  But the educated and, in particular, the religious leaders always seemed to be on the defensive or, even worse, on the offensive against Jesus.

It may be tempting to apply our 21st century awareness onto the historical and religious context of Jesus’ time and presume we understand the thoughts and motives of those people.  But, how often do we sincerely put ourselves into the shoes of those who were there?

For example, Scripture tells us there were some among the religious who believed Jesus but they were afraid to make that known publicly (Jn 12.42).  They were, in effect, ‘Secret Believers’.  One of the religious leaders, Nicodemus, seemed to be drawn to Jesus and went under the cover of night to meet with Jesus.

What was happening in the hearts of these educated and trained people?   What did they hear in Jesus’ words that was different from their religious and occupational standards?

These people were among the group of those who strategized ways to trap Jesus and who, ultimately, plotted to kill him.  They were working, socialising and living among some of the hardest-hearted people alive.  Yet, these ‘secret believers’ seemed to demonstrate a sensitivity to the heart of God.  What did they recognise within their hearts that prompted them to acknowledge Jesus in a way that went against the opinion, of their colleagues?

I’m intrigued by these ‘secret believers’.  Their hearts were clearly at odds with the conventional wisdom of their colleagues.  The Gospels articulate some of the things their minds struggled to come to terms with, “… this man comes from Galilee, but we know the Messiah will come from David’s line, and from Bethlehem” (Jn 7.42).  Yet Nicodemus was able to recognise that the signs Jesus performed were evidence that he was from God (John 3.2).

It may be easy for us to lump all the religious leaders into the same category of hard-hearted, arrogant, evil, etc.  But it is clear that some of these people were dealing with the same internal struggles so many of us have.

For example, how do I respond when I recognise that my heart clearly hears a truth – even when that truth is contrary to what I understand in my mind?  Adding to the challenge, how do I respond when doing so carries significant social or reputational risk?

At one point the temple guards had been sent to arrest Jesus but when they didn’t bring him in, their explanation to the chief priests was to say, “No one has ever spoken the way this man does” (Jn 7.45).  The guards heard something from Jesus and their hearts were affected to the degree they couldn’t bring themselves to obey the order they’d been given.  The Pharisees snapped back at them, “Have any of us or the rulers believed in him?  No! This mob knows nothing of the Law…” (Jn 7.49).

It is significant that Nicodemus spoke up at this point.  Perhaps their jibe that no one of their training or social standing were foolish enough to believe Jesus felt a bit like a slap in his face.  He needed to speak up, to challenge them; but he knew that a direct approach would only cause another angry outburst.  So, he challenged them on the basis of their own reasoning (Jn 7.51).  From this point forward, I think it is safe to say, Nicodemus was watched quite closely by most of the other Pharisees.

The next time we see Nicodemus, he, along with another ‘secret believer’, were using their financial means to provide for Jesus’ burial (Jn 19.38ff).  Both men held positions of significance within society.  Though, they kept their belief in Jesus secret while he was alive; at his death, these were the only men mentioned to carry out the most emotionally challenging of tasks.  Their beliefs were no longer secret.  These men were now firmly counted among the followers of Jesus.

While it is never easy, or fair, to judge what may have been happening in the hearts of others.  Investigating what we know of their circumstances can provide insight that may help inform the decisions we face.   Looking into the situation these ‘secret believers’ found themselves in, brings me back to the central point of our recent discussions.  Learning to give careful consideration to HOW we listen requires that we learn to recognise what our heart is hearing and that we learn to respond to that prompting.   Becoming better acquainted with WHO is speaking into our hearts increases our confidence of recognising HIS words which increases our courage to respond to what we hear – even if our peers do not understand.