Do you know that feeling you get when you know that something doesn’t sit well with you but you don’t know how to articulate what is ‘wrong’?  Have you ever had that feeling when in conversation with people you respect and admire?  The added relational dynamic can make it even more difficult to attempt an articulation of your ideas.

A number of years ago I was in a room with a group of church leaders.  I was younger and less experienced than most of them so I spent much of the time listening and digesting the discussion.  The theme of the event centred around ways to help churches be more attractive to people who don’t participate in church meetings or events.

The conversation during which my discomfort arose was when someone spoke about how Christians should stop trying to get people to change their behaviour before they visit or join a church.

His view was that Christians were insisting, by the way they treated others, that people had to behave a certain way in order to join our churches.  Then, once the newcomers conformed to our patterns of behaviour, they would be able to hear the good news of God’s love which would lead to them believing in Jesus.  Once they did that, they could finally belong to our churches.  He said this method of “Behave, Believe, Belong” was backward.  Instead, in order for the Church to be more appealing, the understanding needed to be reversed to “Belong, Believe, Behave”.  If the churches could change to this way of thinking, people would feel more welcomed for who they are and no longer feel they had to change their behaviour to ‘fit-in’.

This was a number of years ago and, while this may sound outdated now, much of what this man said was relevant and necessary at the time.  I was (and still am) in full agreement that no church should ever put restrictions on people who want to visit, come along or join.  As relationships are formed people will begin to feel a part of things and develop a sense of belonging.  Through these relationships, and the activity of Holy Spirit, people will grow in their belief and experience of God.

But, the point about which I kept feeling uncomfortable was the discussion’s continued focus on behaviour.

Yes, I get that behaviour is a way to tell what’s really going on with people.  I understand the biblical principle that ‘you shall know them by their fruits’.  I also am convinced that when people come into relationship with Jesus, their changed behaviour is an evidence of Holy Spirit working in their hearts.  But, what I was finding difficult to articulate in that meeting so many years ago, was that the purpose of life with Jesus isn’t behaviour change – that may be a result.  Rather, the purpose of life with Jesus is to become like him.

Become.  Be like. Be changed into.  The old has gone and the new has come. Be transformed by the renewing of your minds (Rom 12.2) and be transformed into his image with ever, increasing glory (2 Cor 3.18).  The people of the Early Church didn’t give themselves the name Christians (which means little Christs); they were given this name by outsiders who had observed they had become like Jesus.  This re-naming implies more than mere behavioural change.

Although I wasn’t able to articulate my perspective on Become rather than Behave, I found myself energised by that discussion’s focus on Belong and Believe.  So much so, I still use it today.  However, I’ve taken the liberty to change the third component so that my description is:  Belong, Believe, Become.

Over time my thinking has evolved.  I am so convinced of the priority to help people ‘become’ that I intentionally look for ways to reinforce our ‘becoming’ rather than talk about behaviour.  For instance, I regularly remind people that our emphasis should be on WHO we believe, rather than on WHAT we believe.  To focus on the WHAT leads to behaviour.  But focusing on WHO leads us into relationship (see post).

Belong. Believe. Become.